i would like to blog everyday, however due to my anti commitment clause, this may not work for my life…but i will try..i learn so much everyday..moslty forced to learn more about myself everyday..ha ha..my life repeats itself over and over and over..the same situation, the same drama..new people different time..this time its different..i am trying to change things in my life for me..not cuz others want me to..i am so stubborn when it comes to conforming that i will refuse for now reason no matter what the issue or situation..i refuse to be normal, not that i know what that is..i have always stood out and decided that is the way i wish my life to be..something is different now..the passions that are returning to my heart..the bursts of inspirations..the tells of my dreams are all coming into play..i really feel like my heart might explode..i love to pray..o do i ever…people are quiet and reserved..not me..my God knows about how loud i love to get..i feel like God cant hear me unless i am loud, i dont know i am nuts..i have been putting my faith to the test..praying for things..very very specific things..i have had confirmation on all..yet i only acted on one..i have never heard the voice of God speak so loudly in my life..or maybe i have i just ignored it..i am good at that..ha ha..i have all these confirmations and revelations yet i still sit here in fear…God knows the desires of my heart, gives me words daily and i still do nothing..why i do this i have no clue..the things i want..He is giving them to me and i stand so still..like i cant move cuz He is giving me everything i want..why am i so dumb? why am i so scared, or what am i so scared of..its like i am going to burst with all the things inside my heart..all the things i want to do in my life..gosh if for one moment in time i could grow some frikin balls and just stop being a panzy..i am just frozen..my one true passion is to show people, everyone and everywhere all the things that God can do in their life..yet i cant tell anyone what He is doing in mine..I cant even step foward to use the gifts i have been given? why? cuz i run..i know this..anyone in my life knows thats my biggest fault..i run from everything..i am hard on myself about it to..but not this time..how can i run from God, when i know the specifics of what it is i am supposed to do..where am i supposed to go..there is no running this time..He will find me..which is why i am FROZEN..God works in such mysterious ways..it makes me laugh..God knows me to well..its actually frustrating..I love that he has placed certain people in my life for specific reasons..i have prayed about all of these new people, some i know what they will bring to encourage my life..some only few details yet enough to scare the pee pee out of me…so i cant run..not this time..my shoes are on and i am so ready but there is no point..i can fight everyone in the world..somehow or another i think God CAN tell me what to do……ha ha ha ha ha Jesus i love you….
