im about to really just let it all out…
my entire life i have made mistakes..never once have i ever cared about anyones feelings or the consequesnces of my actions..i run..untouchable..im not ashamed of who i am or how i have come to be..i broke…everything broke that day..you have no idea..that one day changed my entire life…i didnt know what to do..my feet would not let me run…anytime i tried to i couldnt move..we got through it..i was so afraid..afraid you couldnt love me the rest of my life..still afraid..no one has ever..everyone has left or walked away or i pushed and ran..whatever it doesnt matter they arent here..you shattered my heart and picked it up slowly and in ways i sometimes couldnt see.and you still loved me..i have learned so much..gained so much..most of all have or had the best friend in the entire world..i told you it wasnt supposed to be the way it was..i hope you know i meant that with every fiber of my being..i cant change whats been done, i wish with all my heart i could change how it was done…i never wanted to hurt you…never and i never do..i cant say or do anything to make it better, i cant fix it, i cant do anything..its killing me..i cant do anything but tell you i am so so sorry..i pray you dont give up and push me out..i know thats what you do to everyone else..please not me..i dont care how this goes, just not that..truthfully id rather die..this will be the biggest test of my life cuz i just let go of every dream i have ever had.. for once in my life i am not running..im not scared of what will come but how..this is a test of faith..the biggest test of faith ever….im giving it all to God..if i dont let go nothing good will ever come from this for my life..i am done holding myself back in every aspect..so done..i have been having dreams kinda weird..i really should write them down..people keep telling me to and i havent yet..i have been spending alot of time in the Word of God..sometimes like 2 hours or more..its becoming intense, sometimes i still dont get it..all these crazy names and places i cant pronounce…that makes it hard but i keep moving..that is my new life motto..KEEP MOVING!! i had this phenomenal revelation on a message i might want to preach one day..its sweet…one day meaning like years from now..when i am 30..well i feel good about 30..doesnt mean God does…..i feel like something is happening so major in my life that i just want God to do it already…gosh i am so impatient..i dont understand but i know its for the best no matter what…well im done..
